Loki’s Aquarium: When God Says “Not Yet”
By Grace C.
As we navigated the bumpy road home from PetSmart, I cradled a plastic cup between my knees. Inside, a blue dragonscale betta swam circles in the sloshing water. Since I was eight years old, I’ve kept bettas in my bedroom aquarium. One afternoon this past August, Dad and I pulled into the driveway with a pack of frozen bloodworms, a canister of freeze-dried pellets, and Loki Laufinson (pun very much intended).
Google told me betta fish are often dull and frightened during times of transition, fins clamped to their sides and colors dim. I’ve adopted bettas like that—ones who gazed at me with melancholy eyes, begging for love. Not so with Loki. On his lighted shelf, he wiggled his frost-blue body, then bumped his snout against the plastic. Come on, he seemed to say, I am charming and you know it. I was a goner.
There was a newfound confidence about me as I buckled my seatbelt and nestled the fish container into my lap. I’d spent the past two weeks typing madly into Chat GPT, surfing the Aqueon website, and stocking my Amazon cart with betta necessities. I’d researched ideal water parameters, bought a test kit with an absurd amount of chemical vials, and checked the tank thermometer over and over. I’d purchased fish-safe plants from Amazon, set up a mini heater, and nestled biological media into the filter. As I carried Loki into the house, I was convinced he would thank me for my efforts.
At home, I floated Loki’s cup in the aquarium so he could get used to the new temperature. Through the clear walls, he could see his new kingdom. With a burst of eagerness, he lunged towards a floating basket—and collided with a wall of unforgiving plastic. Biting and head-butting, thrashing and squirming, Loki pitched a fit of royal proportions. He couldn’t understand why he was stuck behind a wall when so many good things were waiting outside.
Though I laughed at Loki, his antics taught me something important. Loki reacted angrily to being confined in a cup because he didn’t understand why I put him there. He thought he could swim out into his new home immediately. He had no idea fish die every day from temperature shock.
Humans are not much different than bettas when it comes to limits! God knows when and what freedom to give us. He has total knowledge of the past, present, and future. He didn’t have to do research to learn to care for humans—He created us and knows us better than we know ourselves. Because of this, He sometimes says “no” to a wish or closes a door unexpectedly. He does this not to make us miserable, but to help us.
Just as I held Loki back for his safety, God holds us back from things that would hurt us. He is our loving Parent. Jesus knows that what we believe will make us happy can (and often does) harm us. However, He is eager to give us Himself, and in Him we find everything we need. “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (English Standard Version, Romans 8:32). God desires for us to be truly happy in Him, not just in His gifts. This means He may keep a gift back so we can learn to enjoy Him more fully.
Looking over my shoulder, I see Loki swimming freely in his aquarium. His scales glow faintly in the white LED, light showing through his translucent fins. The precautions that made him so angry protected him; in fact, he’s the happiest, healthiest betta I’ve ever owned. He’s also a living reminder that God’s “no” is sometimes a “not yet.”
If you are feeling overwhelmed by change or struggling with doubt, you are not alone. Any of your teachers or advisors at NorthStar would love to talk and pray with you. In TEAMS, there is also a Spiritual Life channel in the High School Building with prayer requests, discussion posts, and more.
Columns: ✝️Spiritual Life, 👤NSA People
Grace C. lives in Mississippi, USA, with three cats, two parents, one fish, and a great many insects. She is a 12th grader in her fourth year at NorthStar. Grace is enchanted by God's creation and loves outdoor walks (when it's not too hot!). She is passionate about fiction writing and is currently drafting Rootbound, a Y/A nature fantasy novel.