Nav Advice - Part 2 — NorthStar Navigator

By Zoe B.

Study by kazoka30 from Getty Images Created in Canva

*Always check with your parents before following any advice or suggestions in this article. The Navigator is not responsible for any consequences resulting from following our advice.

Hello everyone! Welcome to Nav Advice, a new series where students can submit questions or situations they need advice on, and a Navigator writer will do their best to answer them! This can include advice on how to handle friendships, school, extracurriculars, college stuff, and more. I hope you enjoy!

Note: This is part 2 of this article! Check out part 1 to see some more advice!

College, to go to college near family or to go near the person I really like. I know what I think, what advice do you guys have?

This is a decision many young people face when the time to choose a college comes. I’m going to be honest and say that going to a college only because the person you like is planning on going there is a bad idea. While you may think it’ll all work out, you guys will date and eventually get married, the odds of that happening are very low. Going to a college solely because they are going there may lead to resenting them if you guys eventually break up. Picture this: you have a college you like more lined up, or a college that offers a better scholarship, yet you still choose to go to the other one only because your crush is planning on going there. What happens if you break up? This may lead you to resent them for letting you make that choice (even if they didn’t influence you in the decision-making at all), or to blame your younger self for not thinking through the decision more. Now, I’m not saying not to go to that college under any circumstances. I’m saying to evaluate the two colleges very deeply and think about which one is a better fit for you, given your aspirations, goals, and what you’re looking for in a college. If the college you like more (without taking your crush into consideration) is the same one your crush is going to, then great! But don’t make the decision solely because your crush is going there. Lastly, I’ll say: if you’re in doubt, I highly suggest you choose the college near family. Family lasts forever, but crushes and relationships usually don’t.

I often wonder if I'm boring my friends when I talk and get very anxious about it, what should I do?

This is a feeling a lot of people, including myself, relate to. What I recommend is you talk with your friends about this. It can seem intimidating, but it’s very helpful. If they’re really your friends, then you’ll find they will love hearing you talk about anything. If you do find they get bored listening to you talk, then I recommend you reevaluate your friendship with them to see if it’s something that is helping or hurting you more. Lastly, I will leave you with Mark Twain's wise words: "I have had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened" (Twain). Overthinking is a silent killer, so whenever you hear that voice in your brain making you anxious over things like this, learn to control and ignore it because it usually harms more than it helps.

I love my online friends sm, but I really wish I could just... touch someone lol. Like hugs, cuddles, just literally being close to someone while doing something, idk. I'm touchstarved lol, what do I do about that?

This is a very real feeling! Humans are social beings, and while talking with friends online is great, having face-to-face interactions with others is important. I recommend you find ways to meet and interact with people in real life – whether that is by starting a sport to do with others, by hanging out with people from your church, or by volunteering somewhere where you get to work and talk with people. Do your best to meet people you like and get along with face to face, because it satisfies that urge to be around people, which is a natural human instinct.

If I had a friend who hurt me, but I think doesn’t really care about me at all, and I never see them anymore; should I tell them they hurt me?

This is a good question. My answer depends on whether what they did still hurts you or whether you still think about it and get sad or angry. If the answer is yes, then I recommend you tell them. Closure is important, and I think that having a conversation with them about how what they did or said hurt you is very important and will be beneficial to you. Even if they do not care about you or you guys are not friends anymore, they should still care about the fact they hurt you and want to apologize. If they don’t care at all, then let them be. It’ll be painful, but you are better off without them in your life, and over time you’ll realize that and feel better.

If the answer is no, you don’t think about it anymore and it doesn’t hurt you, then I don’t think talking to them about it is necessary. You have found closure and moved on, and talking with them about it may reignite those feelings of anger or sadness and will end up being counterproductive.

Well, that is all the advice I have for you right now! If you found this to be useful, and want to follow up with me about whether the advice I gave was helpful, I would absolutely love to hear back from you! You can reach out to me on Teams!

Columns: 🗣️Advice

Zoe B. lives in Argentina with her parents, dog, and one of two brothers. She is an eleventh grader, and this is her third year at NorthStar but first in the Navigator. In addition to being a writer for the Navigator, she is also one of two Club Coordinators for Student Council and a tutor for High School students. She has been playing sports all her life and is currently a competitive tennis player who dedicates a lot of hours to training and competing around South America.